Friday, October 9, 2009

Ridiculous News On this Day: USA BOMBS THE MOON, President Awarded Nobel Peace Prize

On the very same morning that the United States targeted the Moon with a $79 Million 2.2 ton kinetic energy bomb, Oslo Norway announced that Obama, the President of the country who just attacked the moon, would be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

It was asserted by General McChrystal that Obama use a show of force to put the Taliban on their heels, and after weeks of internal strife, countless meetings on the matter, and public opinion polling, Obama made the call to attack the moon's southern pole.
The explosive event was seen by earth bound proletarians as they were making their way to the factories in the early hours of the morning. No military response has yet been detected from the moon, and the Taliban - lacking interest in modern astronomy or technology of any kind - was absolutely unaware of the event. No official response on the number of casualties, but it has been made clear that neither Bin Laden nor any Sr. Taliban or Al Qeada officials were injured in the attack.

Norway's response to the events of the morning was to grant Obama the Nobel Peace Prize, for his messianic ability to heal the world through touch, turn moon water into whines, and to remind him that the next time he is in Copenhagen, Denmark to just hop on a nice ferry and visit Norway too!

In other news, Obama refused to meet with 1989 Nobel Peace laureate Dali Lama, until he could meet with Imperialist Communist Chinese officials who claim the Dali Lama is a criminal for inciting revolutionary discussion over Chinese occupied Tibet. Obama stated that his snub of Mr. Lama was due, largely, to the fact that "the Chinese Government have my balls in a vice, and there is really nothing I could do to assist a criminal like the Dali Lama without the council of my rich Chinese pals."

Meanwhile, Obama is taking heat from pesky Americans who are concerned that his lack of pressure on Iran and the defunding of human rights watchdog groups are directly responsible for Iran's sense of empowerment and continued nuclear ambition. Israeli officials were left scratching their heads over the announcement of Obama's Nobel Peace Prize, and offered sincerest condolences to the citizens of the Moon after learning of their US bombardment.

Still, no official comment has been received from moon officials on the awarding of the prize, the snubbing of the Dali Lama, developments in Iran, or the recent attacks by the United States.

This story will be updated as new developments occur.
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Ridiculous News UPDATES -
1. The far left is mocking Obama's Peace Prize, stating "The Nobel Committee just turned themselves into a big joke. That is some powerful hopium they are smoking."

2. It appears that the lunar attack may have been repelled by the Moon Citizens. No clear evidence of debris clouds or impact were seen from earth. This may be an indicator that the Moon will, in fact, retaliate against the US.

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BREAKING NEWS UPDATE -

3. Tom at tomnation.com has just informed us that Lunar Citizen and Dreamworks Icon "Fishing Pole Boy" may be the first confirmed casualty of the US lunar attack. Dreamworks has released the following photo:


It appears that Fishing Pole Boy was last seen near the Lunar South pole, near the region targeted for the US attack. Lunar Officials led a massive search and recovery effort which was called off when fragments of a tackle box were located scattered about the southern lunar surface. Dreamworks will be releasing a statement about the loss of their beloved icon. No statement is expected from the White House, who has been very tight lipped about the incident. Fishing Pole Boy is survived by his father, the Man in the Moon, his brother, Mac Tonight, and his domestic partner, the MTV Music Award.

15 comments:

  1. Dear LORD: this is the funniest thing today! Laughing my head off. Wonderful - Love the old picture with the cheese moon and the rocket. Perfect. Great satire, I applaud! more more!

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  2. Candle beat me to it ...

    This just in: Simon Jester announces massive retaliation on the way - green cheese to go bad in supermarkets all over the world - citizens don't notice.

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  3. Candle, Rev - I had to laugh this morning... the Nobel prize thing was just too much for a Friday... On the other hand, the Moon experiment was cool and I can't wait for more data on the impact... of course it just fit with the story, so it goes... so it goes...

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  4. Boy with fishing pole missing from Moon! DreamWorks worried...

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  5. Lots of funny stuff today...yours especially. I loved it when someone said "and the trophy for Motor Trend's Car of the Year goes to...Barack Obama."

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  6. Hey, I don't care about what you think of the president, Don't make fun of the serious research involved in the NASA experiment. Jackass.

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  7. Hey there Trolly troll troll "Anonymous" - For starters, this is a civil website with civil comment rules... NOT YouTube or Twitter where you can just click around spouting anonymous insults and offensive name calling.

    For your childish inadequacies, you are forgiven.

    To address the issue of NASA, who btw is not above criticism... If you took a moment to read my comment regarding the SERIOUS nature of the moon mission, you would see that I am anxiously awaiting any actual data on the impact. Take a moment to catch your breath, and search my website for past posts on space advocacy. I am the biggest supporter I know of increased space exploration, experimentation, and colonization.

    Before you get your little undies in a bunch, relax and enjoy a little comedy... and don't troll around my website calling me names if you don't have the balls to identify yourself.

    Cheers!

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  8. As a person who voted for Obama, allow me to respond:

    Hahahahahahaha! Your blog post is made of win. You have a masterful touch with satire, and I applaud you copiously. Though I think you are underestimating the moon's retaliatory capabilities. That's serious business, pissing off the moon men.

    nationofbeggars.blogspot.com

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  9. After reviewing your writing skills and examining your associations I have come to but one conclusion. You really must be trying to compensate for a very small penis.

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  10. People in Asia and other parts of the world are dying because of hunger and lack of medicine... These people are wasting such a huge amount of money for such useless things.... Why US is spending money in this project while it still is not able to provide good health system in the country ??

    Amazing, the same president Obama is awarded Nobel PEACE prize.. Is the effort that he did so far comparable to that of Nelson Mandela ? or has the value of Nobel Prize degraded in recent years ???

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  11. Anonymous #2 - Interesting comment. You must be all of 15, I would assume. Why don't you man up and identify yourself.

    As well, what is it with your obsession with my junk? Perhaps you should consider your own inadequacies associated with the need to anonymously post insults.

    Seriously, this generation has no understanding of manners, nor do they understand the importance of civil discourse. I am less than impressed with the YouTube generation and their blatant mouth flatulence!

    Though, I must be doning something right to attract this kind of traffic... I bet my google analytics is going to show a spike in readership... yeah!

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  12. Google Analytics indicated the CNN.com had linked to my site... This is because I linked to a post of theirs on the Moon Impact. That would explain the lefty trolls... But, hey... all are welcome... just keep the comments civil... like I said - this isnt YouTube!

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  13. Just like a bunch of conservative wingnuts to completely ignore the scientific importance of this experiment. Since few of you are even capable of seeing mathematics as anything besides an excuse to do the 'pies are round' joke while playing drunken lawn darts and beating your wives, I guess I'll have to just ignore it...

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  14. Anonymous #3: IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE.

    I am an Astronautical Engineer, worked for three years on the Orion Program, two years on Satellites, and currently work on Rocket bodies... I think I have a LITTLE more background in this area than you do.

    Get a life, get a sense of humor, and get the balls to identify yourself if you insist on insulting me on my own blog.

    In fact - for the time being, I am turning off anonymous commenting... You libtards are annoying me... less RR who actually GOT the joke... Imagine that... using one's brains and not reacting based on pure animalistic instinct... Try it, Anon!

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