Thursday, September 3, 2009

Republican Asshole Contest

Obama's openly admitted Communist Marxist "Green Jobs" Czar, Van Jones, said that the reason why Republicans were stonewalling Obama's Marxist policies was because we are Assholes.

In short, Republicans are assholes.

Reminds me of a song I love:

Visceral hatred, sheer unabridged hatred for political opposition... that seems to be the norm in Obama, his cabinet, his unconstitutional "czars", and his followers.

Never before has America been on the verge of something so explosive that our entire way of life, the mixing of political ideas, or even free and independent thought has been kindling in a coming firestorm.

As a new class of citizen now recognized by the American Government, the Asshole, I am obligated to share an asshole story of my very own:
This asshole volunteers. I have volunteered for many years as a professional in the classroom, sharing the intricacies of rocketry with 3rd graders, and aiding high schoolers with mathematics, science, and world history. I have volunteered with the Audubon Society of Denver, working on trail improvements at the Chatfield Reservoir... hours after beginning a new beta blocker treatment for my heart palpitations.

This asshole enjoys living a life of service to his fellow man. I am filled with joy when I can "pay it forward" (as it were) at a toll booth, or buy a stranger dinner or a cup of coffee anonymously.

This asshole is a do-gooding conservative libertarian... hell bent on brightening peoples day, doing all i can to make someone smile and feel good about life for a moment, and consistently putting myself second to the needs of others.

I am an asshole, and proud of it.
- Steven M Nielson, Asshole Extraordinaire
Please... assholes around the world unite... share your asshole stories with me. How much of an asshole are you? What have you done today to be considered a major asshole, or even a slight pain in the ass?

I will feature the "Republican Asshole of the Month" at the top of my blog, along with your story (or a snippet).

So... what do you say, asshole?


  1. you made me feel better too Steven.
    the assholes you describe don't usually brag on themselves but I'll bite because am really one too. I feel foolish doing it but here goes.
    I joined the military at the age of 37 to do my part...because it ain't the money that's for sure.
    I married a woman who already had children because they needed a dad as much as she needed a husband.
    I took care of foster children with medical handicaps because I could. I even adopted one as my own son.
    I volunteered to help with the surge in Iraq because I believed it was the right thing to do even if my family had to do without a dad for 6 months.
    I volunteer my time at the local elementary school not just because its required for parents but because its the right thing to do.
    I don't like my job, would rather be a musician but I keep it because it pays for the needs of my family and allows me to give some away to good causes...I'll stop there, I am surely an asshole too.

  2. Wow... what an asshole you are, indeed! I would say pretty close to being a major asshole!

  3. you are totally correct.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE your top banner by the way! I really am tempted to steal it. But as much as I am an a-hole, I wont. :)

  4. CCG - Feel free to borrow it, make bumper stickers, share it with friends... That is my gift to all like minded individuals!

    Thanks for reading!

  5. I ain't no Republican, 'n I'm still an asshole.

  6. Thanks Steven. I just saw this..I ended up justing making a "girly version" myself. If you want one in pink, let me know! :) jk